Jokes and Funnies POST YOURS NOW!

"And the Christ said to his disciples "I shall grant you eternal Salvation" ! The disciples fell to their knees and replied "Give us Kings n00b" ! "

So the other night I saw a couple men breaking into my shed so I called the police. When they answered I told them what was happening and they said sorry no one is available and that they would send some one as soon as possible and they hung up. I waited a few minutes and called back to say they did not have to bother sending anyone because I shot them. Not 10 minutes later there were 5 police cars outside my house and a helicopter. Needless to say they caught the men red handed and after they were arrested an officer came up to me and said "I thought you said you shot them" to which I replied "I thought you said no one was available."

What do undead Tauren say?

Boo.


Yeahhh .... ok , so that was a bad one lol

So I learnd it while I was a counselor at camp last summer and it's a bit childish, but:

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

So,

Rabbit came to the store,he's entering,hi-hi, and asks Do you have 1000 eggs?
Sailsman said no!
next day rabbit is coming again and asks Do you have 1000 eggs?
Sailsman said NO!
Now sailsman is thinking...Wait If I have 1000 eggs,that could mean good profit..So he orders 1000 eggs....
Next day,Rabbit is coming,enters the store and asks Do you have 1000 eggs?
Sailsman filled with happines said yes we have....
NO WAY you're gonna sell that!

Whats a 3 letter word for 'Pleasure'?

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FUN

So...... my joke sucks?

I liked it

Ok. There's two muffins in an oven.

One turns to the other and asks:

"Is it hot in here or is it just me?"

The other muffin says

"HOLY CRAP! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"




Now there's two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and asks "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

LOL
realy good one

What did the ghost say to the bee?

Boo bee!!

xD

So i get pulled over for speeding by this rooky cop and he asked me for my license and i told him i didnt have one.
so he asks for my registration and i told him ya its right in the glove box by my gun.
he asked why i had a gun in the glove box and i said because i stole this car and shot the driver also his body is in the trunk...

anyway this rooky calls in for backup...in minutes im surrounded by cops one comes up to my window and i hand him my license and registration. he tells me to step out and another cop checks the glove box and trunk and finds NO gun and NO body and told me he was called here because i said i stole a car and shot the driver and stuffed him in the trunk and i said YA.... and i bet that lying bastard told you i was speeding too.

....lolz a good one

All jokes are good....i cant remember 1 good joke

I sprayed Spot Remover on my dog, Now hes gone...

So

A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacists "Got any Grapes?"
The pharmacists polity said "No we don't have any you want to grocery store down the street on he left"
The duck said "Okay" and left
The next day the duck some in again and asks "Got any Grapes?"
the pharmacist said "I told you yesterday you want the grocery store down the street to the left"
the duck said "Okay" and left
Again the next day the duck comes in and said "Got any Grapes?"
the pharmacist getting really annoyed said "I already told you for the last 3 days now you want to grocery store down the street to the left. If you come in again asking for grapes I will nail your feet to the floor"
The duck said okay and left
The next day the duck comes back again and asked the pharmacist "Got any nails?"
The pharmacist says "No"
The duck said "Good. Got any Grapes?"

"Quack?"

One day a woman pregnant with triplets was walking down a road when a bank robbery was happening. As she was walking past the bank she was shot three times in the stomach. She was rushed to hospital and they managed to save the lives of her children (two girls and a boy) and hers. Fourteen years later, one of her daughters came running out of the bathroom and screamed to her mother, she said, "Mom, I've just had a period and a bullet came out."

So her mother sat her down and explained what happened.

A couple of days later her second daughter came running out the bathroom again screaming that she too had a period and a bullet came out. So again, she explained the story.

Finally, a few days later, her only son came running out of the bathroom.

The mother said, "Let me guess. You took a crap and found a bullet in the toilet."

"No," shouted the boy, "I jacked off and shot the dog."

You know you play too much WoW when....
You run around the streets wearing nothing but underwear, shouting “GOLD PLS!”
You ask to be Master Looter when shopping at the mall.
You yell “LFG” when being picked for sports teams.

another one:

You know you're addicted to WoW
When your microwave Ding's and you say "Gratz"

A paladin sits down at a bar next to a warlock.
The paladin taps the warlock on the shoulder. "What?" the warlock asks. "How about you conjure me up something to drink?" replies the paladin.
The warlock looks at the paly incredulously and says "Man, have you got the wrong guy," and returns to drinking his beer in silence.
The paly, undaunted, taps the warlock on the shoulder again and says, "Well then, how about you conjure me up something to eat then?".
The warlock, getting a little annoyed now says "If I cant conjure you up something to drink, what the HELL makes you think I can conjure you something to eat??".
The warlock goes back to drinking in a huff and sure enough, the paly taps him on the shoulder one more time.
"I'm sorry," he says "but I thought you could do something for someone other then yourself."
The warlock takes a sip of his beer, turns toward the paly and smashes the bottle over his head.
Bleeding on the floor the warlock says "Oh I'm sorry I thought you could tank!

Ryeno wrote:

The warlock takes a sip of his beer, turns toward the paly and smashes the bottle over his head.
Bleeding on the floor the warlock says "Oh I'm sorry I thought you could tank!

ROFLMAO